Doctors joke that if it wasn't for Cystitis, they'd go broke.

So this is the post to explain my hospital trip and recent vague posts.  A bladder infection.   Yes, I really went to the hospital for a bladder infection.  It beat the crap out of me, took my name and number and then came back over the next two days and beat me into submission.

So I will start by saying that apparently I have lived under this most beautiful rock of a place where I NEVER have gotten a Bladder Infection before.  Man, what a blessed life I have had.  Second I will say that for those of you who typically range between 1 and 3 bladder infections per year - I am sorry that you live through that.  That's serious shit.  I want to retro date many waves of empathy, hugs and respect to you.  And third PEE.  PEE all the damn time.  Don't freak out about stopping as a gas station or using a public park bathroom Just GO PEE.  Trust me, I thought those other germs were going to kill me and you may agree and if you agree you have never had a Bladder Infection.

Here are some very important things to know about Bladder Infections - specifically my bladder infection experience.

1) Hands down BEST cleanse/diet EVER.  We are talking 8.5 lbs in 4 days!!  You will never know what hit you!
2) You will have some killer dreams - seriously.  I dreamt for three straight days about killing things.  I never in my life have ever had such horrible dreams.  But in the last 5 days I slayed more things, grew more things out of my skin and ventured into more terrible places then I have ever done my whole life
3) You think a broken knee cap hurts?  Yeah it does.  But you know what also hurts?  Feeling like someone was picking you up off the ground by your hair, kicking you in the stomach....just in one spot.  OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER.
4) Need a nap?  Get a bladder infection, sleep for days!

So now, Yes, I didn't just have a minor bladder infection.  Because, have you known me long?  GO big or GO home.  Right?  Hindsight is always 20/20 and yes, looking back there were some signs and I did over look them for maybe one or two days.  But by day three - last Friday here is a run down of what day three looked like for me.

7am - wake up with kids, get them off to school and complain I may have a bug
8am - confess it may be an Ovarian Cyst
9am - take a norco and say you are going to sleep it off
1pm- cry in the mirror. realize I had a fever
1:05- cry its not a cyst its worse
1:15pm consider an ambulance, settle on a ride to the ER
1:30 - throw up, lots
1:45 - get to the hospital
1:46 - throw up more, check in
1:49 - throw up more, give a urine sample
1:56 - Get called back to a bed after they took one look at said urine sample but, after you throw up again
2:00 - Get morphine, Zofran and IV fluids (which takes more then one try because I had no fluid left in my body)
2:15 - get examined - probably appendicitis
2:16 - My second panic attack of my life.  Spend the next 35 minutes with my fingers seizing up and worrying my broken knee and right leg muscles may soon follow.  Breath, in through the nose out through the mouth.  Have the left side of your face seize up- refuse to answer anymore questions.
2:36 - Get Ativan via IV

Mix after that a blur between Ultrasound, Xray, CT scans with Dye, Tylenol 500 * 2, breaking of my fever and a very clear case of a Bladder Infection.

It took me three days to keep my eyes open longer then 20 minutes.  It look three days of near constant vomiting to swear off all processed foods and never eat "dirty" again.  It took three days of  moving only from the toilet to the bed.   My face is visibly trimmer.  My stomach flat.  My leg and all my progress is pretty much gone.  Any muscles I had started to build is atrophied again.

I thought I was at my low.  Boy was I wrong.  Now I am going to stand loud and scream that I can not get any lower then a Bladder Infection or Monday.  Yesterday, with no improvement I went back to the Dr.  It took two shots in my butt cheek - one Antibiotic and one Zofran and my body came back to life.  I stayed up last night for two hours.  Today I not only got out of bed, but I stayed out of bed. ALL DAY LONG.  I still am breathless with little movement, my leg stiffer then normal but God, I am ready to finish all that and this crap.  I hit rock bottom.  Got it?  No more pity.  I am not getting my ass kicked anymore.  I am not moving backwards.  I don't have time or energy for it.  It took that one shot of Zofran yesterday to resume eating and I have been puke free since.   I am still on a bland diet, water/cranberry juice only.  But its a diet.

So bottom line.  PEE or else be warned.  Gotta post now so I can go pee.